Life on Pause

One of my close friends from Baylor got some great news last week.  He landed a small (but important!) role on an episode of the new NBC show "Chicago PD," similar to "Chicago Fire" and created by none other than Dick Wolf, the man who brought us "Law and Order"!  My friend has been living in Chicago and acting for a couple of years now, and has some pretty good success.  He has an agent, he's always auditioning and he gets cast in plays pretty regularly.  I'm so proud of my Baylor Theatre friends who are finding success in the industry.

And it makes me wonder if I'll ever have my chance.



So, this is the beginning of Season 3 of my very own reality show that I like to call "Life on Pause."  Just little old me with a Bachelor's degree on my wall and a dream in my heart, and yet I'm standing behind the register taking coffee orders day after day.  Too bad there isn't actually a camera crew following me around as I complete one mundane task after another, waiting to see if a story ever develops. 

I know that this is an important time for Robert as he invests in his future, but I'm starting to get stir crazy, especially after my taste of what a theatre career could be like in DC this summer.  I started looking for anything theatre related in this town.  I happened to stumble upon a part time job working with a local children's theatre.  I, unfortunately, did not get said job, however, I have been able to start putting my talents and education to practice through volunteer work with them.  They're performing Shrek, Jr. the musical, and it's so fun watching these junior high kids discover theatre much like how I did at their age.

I also heard about the community college theatre program holding open auditions for their production of Pride and Prejudice.  I studied the roles, watched the movies, read monologues from the book aloud, and revised my resume.  And I got called back!  It felt so good to be acting again!  During the call backs, the director had me read for Elizabeth and Jane multiple times.  I thought for sure I would get cast, she just needed to decide what part.  I refreshed the web page where the cast list would be posted constantly for two days.  Then, finally, the results! 

And my name was no where to be found.

It was crushing.  Not that I felt rejected, because sure, you always do a little.  Not that I had my heart set on playing Elizabeth Bennett, although that would have been amazing.  No, it was the little whisper in my earing saying, "Nope, not yet."  I've waited so long to do anything with theatre.  I haven't performed, truly performed in two and a half years.  And this was just another set back making me feel as though maybe this would never happen for me.

I've moved on, of course.  I'm not angry at the director or the actors who did get cast.  I just wish it had been my turn.  Maybe my turn isn't too far away.   Maybe I'll find something else to audition for, although in this town, opportunities are few and far between.  Maybe by next year Robert will have a job and we'll be living in a big city and I'll have no end of auditions available.  Maybe.